Down The Rabbit Hole

         In John Steinback’s article ‘ Good and Evil, thr Necessary Contradictions of the Human Nature, and Our Ground for Lucid Hope’ , I clicked on the link the difficult art of the friend breakup. I specifically clicked on this link, because I just went through this whole growing apart from a true friend. My best friend, to be exact. The thing is, yeah I was sad, but I thought I would be more hurt by this because she was my bestest friend. This goes to show that deep down she wasn’t and I knew it. I knew there was other people who I should consider better to me and actually being a friend to me than her. We never hung out. She would get upset when I would hangout with other people, but when she did the same thing I wouldn’t get mad because I’ m not a selfish person. I was ALWAYS there for her no matter what. I then began to notice she wouldn’t do the same for me. The thing that hurt me the most was that when I was going through a rough time physically, just out of surgery, she didn’t ask how I was. I don’t know about you but that hurt me. She made it seem like  she didn’t care about my well being or just about me. It really hurt me. But I didn’t say anything because I thought it was such a stupid reason. Mentally, I wasn’t good either. Thoughts running through my brain, getting me exhausted but I still don’t show it. After a couple months of bit talking, I faced her and told her how I felt about our so called “friendship”. She recognized her mistakes, but I couldn’t take her back as my bestfriend anymore. I didn’t want to, for various reasons.
         Steinback’s article shows a letter that Steinback personally wrote to his old friend George Albee. I can realate very much to it. “When he was most in need of support from his loved ones, he learned that Albee had been speaking ill of him instead of sticking up for him. The disloyalty wounded Steinbeck deeply and he distanced himself from his former friend.” “I’ve needed help and trust and the benefit of the doubt, because I’ve tried to beat the system which destroys every writer, and from you have come only wounds and kicks in the face. And that is the reason and I think you always knew it was the reason.” “People I liked have changed… I’m tired of the struggle against all the forces that this miserable success has brought against me.” These few quotes above hit me hard, to say my eyes started sweating and I kind of got the chills. I learned that just like John it was right to face her and tell her what was on my mind about my friendship. Letting go of her, as my best friend, was hard, but getting rid of the way she treated me was a good thing for me. It taught me that it was okay for me to let go because it wasn’t right for me. That I’m not a bad person for leaving our friendship. That I shouldn’t regret it. We learn and we grow from the good and the bad.